Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Memoirs of a Secret Muslimah - Not So Secret Muslimah Anymore

Subhanallah, it has been just over a year since I told my mother about my conversion to Islam. Now, all of my immediate family know about my Islam.

A few months ago, one of my brothers sent me a message asking if I wanted to be a Muslim, as he had seen one of my statuses which were 'Islamic'. I simply told him that I was interested in Islam and may consider becoming Muslim one day, and asked him what he thought. He said that he's not bothered as it's my choice, and whether it's the path to success or not, it's my path and no one else can take it for me.

Some time after that incident, my brother called my mother and was just asking about me generally, and asked her about me and my interest in Islam. That was when my mother told him that I had become Muslim, that I lied to her, didn't listen to her and so on. But then she said how I was old enough to make my own decisions and that it's my life.

After that phone call, my brother sent me a message saying how he heard that me and my mother had a 'big fallout' (we didn't have a big fallout, it was more she didn't talk to me for 3 days) and how my mother told him that I had lied to her and how they were all so disappointed.

A few weeks after that, my oldest brother called my mother and asked her if it was true that I was Muslim. (I assume my other brother had told him) My mother confirmed that I had become Muslim and my brother told her not to force or pressure me to do anything as I'm a grown up. My mother said how it's my life and how I'm old enough to make my own decisions and it was left at that.
After, my mother told me how he said that I "had gone into a religion where a woman has no value, how women aren't allowed to go out to the mosque and how the men have 4 wives." He also said how I've lost all my rights, my values and everything.

Subhanallah, if only he knew and understood how much Islam actually values women, that when she is a daughter, she opens the doors of jannah for her father, when she gets married, she completes half the deen of her husband, and when she has children, jannah lies under her feet. Tell me, how is that degrading women?

When my brother met up with my mother, he asked her if I wore a headscarf, and was like how maybe I converted to Islam because there's a Muslim guy that I like and I converted for him. My mother didn't even bother saying anything and just laughed it off. When I heard what he said, I just laughed so much, subhanallah.

For those that don't know me, I'm a "social outcast" (maybe socially awkward is a better term to use) and I went to an all girls school when I reverted. Where on Allah's earth would I find a Muslim guy and convert for him? Ya rabb.

My mother had to go to the hospital at one point and told my brother and me to accompany her. I didn't know how I was going to face my brother now he had found out about my Islam, what he was going to say and his reaction when he found out that I wore niqaab. I made du'a that I was somehow able to avoid him. So the day came and we were supposed to meet him at the station. My mother got impatient as we were waiting for about 20 minutes and he hadn't arrived and so we went ahead. Alhamdulillah, it was such a blessing that I didn't have to face my oldest brother. At one point, my brother was sitting in the waiting area of the hospital and when my mother was being taken for her procedure, he stood up and they waved at each other. I was walking behind and didn't realise he was there and so we had eye contact for about 2 seconds at least. I don't know if he realised it was me or not. After realising what had happened, I ran to the hospital prayer room and stayed there for most of the day.

No matter what my family say about my conversion, I know one thing for sure - I'm not going to compromise my deen for anything.

I'm probably boring you, so to end this blog post, I ask you to make du'a for my family and I, that Allah grants my family hidayyah, in sha Allah. And make du'a that Allah keeps me steadfast and grants me sabr, in sha Allah. Jazakallahu khayran.

May Allah continue to bless us and grant us all hidayyah, ameen.

10 comments:

  1. Mashaallah I just came across your blog, you are goinh through a hard time with your family, but you will get through it, May Allah reward you for your strength and determination.

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    1. Jazakallahu khayran for your kind words. May Allah reward you abundantly and increase you in imaan, ameen

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  2. Al salaam alaikom ukhtii, its been a long time and I missed a lot since then, im so proud that you no longer have to hide anything and I hope god stands by your side always and forever ^^ I know you're passing through hard times but I hope it ends too soon.. you've been through alot and you deserve the best♡ keep strong as you always were :) its your sister in islam, Nooran.

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    1. Wa'alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu ukhti,
      It's definitely been such a long time and I pray that you're in the best of health and imaan in sha Allah.
      Jazakallahu khayran for your kind words and may Allah reward you abundantly and increase you in imaan, ameen

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  3. Assalamualaikum ukthi.
    MashaAllah, I read your story about a year ago and I decided to look for your blog again because your story was one that was such an inspiration to me. So I couldn't help but wonder how you are doing now and subhanAllah, I'm so glad to know that things are better for you now than it were before. But I know there are still many struggles that you are facing now so I pray that Allah grants you patience and steadfastness in holding on to this religion and May Allah grant your whole family hidayah. Aamiin.

    فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرًا . إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرً۬ا
    (Quran 94: 5-6)

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    1. Wa'alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
      Jazakallahu khayran for your kind words and ameen to your du'as.
      May Allah reward you abundantly and increase you in imaan, ameen.

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  4. Assalamu Alakum sis. Wow! Ma'Shaa'Allah all of your immediate family now know about your conversion. I hope one day In'Shaa'Allah your older brother will see the rights that women have in Islam. Be strong.

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    1. Wa'alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, jazakallahu khayran for reading and commenting.
      May Allah reward you abundantly and increase you in imaan, ameen.

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  5. May Allah grants u sabr and thabat ya raaaab :)

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    1. Jazakallahu khayran for your kind words - may Allah grant you the same and even better, ameen

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