Memoirs of a Secret Muslimah - How I Came to Islam

*PLEASE NOTE : This is the simplified version of my journey to Islam. If you want to read the whole story, then you can do so by clicking here.*

First of all, I'm a person with few words. I'm probably the most boring person you'll ever meet, but one day, something happened that changed my life completely. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Verily, whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide and whomsoever Allah misguides, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad (saw) is his slave and final messenger.

This is my story about how I came to Islam.

I was born in London, to a so-called 'strict' Buddhist family. My mother is a Buddhist whilst my two older brothers are non-religious, but have some basis of religion in their lives because of my mother. My family background is Vietnamese; and with 80% of the population being Buddhists, it's no surprise that my mother is. Ever since I was young, I was always into religion due to being born to an 'ex-Catholic' father and a Buddhist mother, so I was always split between both religions. I remember one minute I was going to Sunday Mass, the next I was chanting complete 'gibberish' to statues on a shrine. As I was interested in the aspect of religion, I would read books about religion, somewhat focusing on Islam. At a young age, I somewhat knew and believed that there was only one God, but I guess that was changed by my mother, causing me to believe and worship something blindly without knowing the meaning behind it, and so therefore I ended up completely misguided from the true path. I actually thought that by having a religious Buddhist mother, I was going to be a faithful, practicing Buddhist in the future. But little did I know.

As I grew up, having Muslim friends influenced me into researching and exploring more about Islam. One day, we had a conversation about me converting to Islam. It was awkward for me back then because I was around 12 or 13 at that time, and so I avoided that question as I was scared about the whole concept of conversion and being a teenager, living with a Buddhist mother; would make it impossible for me to practice my religion. However at time, I started to think deeply about Islam and began researching a lot about converting. By the time I read so much about it, I fell in love with Islam. At many points in life, I began to feel eager about converting to Islam but didn't have the power to carry on fulfilling my duties as a Muslim if I converted. I attempted to try to forget the matter and said to myself, "Maybe when I'm older and I have more authority and a voice, I would convert". But then I realised that just because my family are Buddhist, doesn't mean I am a Buddhist myself or have to be Buddhist. I felt that having a religion in the beginning takes a lot of commitment and submission has to be your own choice. No one else can tell you what religion you are. Belief comes from the heart.

As days passed, I felt that I wasn't who I was anymore, I felt lost and unsure about my life. The question about conversion came up again between me and my friend; she even insisted that her sister is an aalimah, and that she can support me if I had any questions. I dodged the questions, worried about my family finding out, the consequences of it, or myself not being able to commit to Islam. All these problems sprouted in my head, and I started to feel that converting was such a hassle for me.

I decided that Islam may be the right religion for me and that I should convert very soon. I knew that Allah was trying to tell me something, as if He Himself was leading me to the true path. When the time came, I felt nervous and worried about it, after saying the shahadah, I felt that I had become a better person, a different person, a Muslim. I felt like my life had turned a new leaf. Like a blind person getting his sight back.

I often felt alone at times because I didn't have my family to support me, neither was I able to express myself, being a closeted Muslim. I knew that Allah was by my side, and I would try to please Him as much as I possibly could. I began learning how to pray, perform wudu etc. Looking back, I am thankful to Allah that He had given me a chance to escape the hellfire and start off my life again by shedding light on me and guiding me to the right path and also that He had made it possible for me to worship Him.


  1. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    Check this out-only 8 minutes. Gates of Paradise in the Quran.

  2. You're an inspirational woman with meaningful words and thoughts behind why you do, the things you do and to be honest, that's hard for some people. I respect you for taking upon as an individual the time and researching about the person you really are and wish to be. It shows your strength as an individual. Those, I believe, who seek to know deep down who they really are as a person, whether it be a Muslim or believer of another faith/religion, will go far in the path of success and rewards.

  3. I can't stop crying after this worlds ." I knew that Allah was trying to tell me something, as if He Himself was leading me to the true path " peace be upon u sis ...
    toka ~

  4. A beautiful story mashaallah.